I don't know

By now the fog has cleared - had a huge breakfast:
french toast and maple syrup. Applause.
Friends incessantly calling, no time to write.
But I need help and they cannot give
without wanting recompense.
Is Shakespeare right?
To give to give is friendship.
to need to lend, they never were friends
others first or others if you can?
Perhaps just don't be taken advantage of.
Generosity beyond your means
virtue or stupidity?
I do what I can to repay the favor.
Little lovers break my heart
an organ unlike the sexual
for lacking desire I lack lust
apart from for love lacking lust
I have murdered eros out of whose ashes
philia was born:
don't be taken advantage of, I reiterate
for love is easy to manipulate
quick to turn away from
love separates as it, on another level
conjoins: how does it become mutual?
Trust, respect, appreciation, admiration?
Equality of indifference, caring for and about
Concealing emotions, argument, playing the game
But fuck the game! You can never. Control shifts
submission, domination and back, in equal proportions.
But they want to be controlled and loved. Not happening.
Love requires the reciprocation of control.
Or it is one who loves the other more, as always.
Can you be satisfied, content in control?
Can you cope with the yearning, worry, paranoia
of emotional dependency in submission?
The latter is love and requires the former's yes for its yes.
Perhaps it desires a role reversal. No/yes, no.
And all the combinations.
But I believe the former can never desire forfeiting control.
Even if s/he is dissatisfied. Divorce or jouissance?
Perhaps the married share control or they wouldn't have married?
The mystery will take longer to unravel
But the truth must be decipherable, no?